Month: August 2021

Movie Villainess 101 Rank #76

She’s certainly having one

Movie

Blast (2004)

Yes, this is another Die Hard on an X movie, with this particular X being an oil drilling platform off the coast of San Diego. Terrorists posing as environmentalists stage a shipping accident to get on board, arm themselves with automatic weapons hidden in Christmas presents (!), and quickly take over the facility. The unlikely hero is a tugboat captain with former military experience, who teams up with an FBI plant to battle the bad guys.

Budget is reasonably high with some ‘name’ actors among the players. The two most notable are Vinnie Jones playing another bad guy (who else?) and Vivica A. Fox as a tough talking FBI agent. She has a subplot of her own to contend with, which revolves around a traitor on her team. Naturally she gets a badass moment when she arrests the guy.

It will come as no shock to the audience that the villains are after money, and their plot involves setting off an EMP (electromagnetic pulse) device launched by missile. While Blast goes through the obvious plot points – lone heroes against an army of bad guys, botched attempt by US special forces to regain control of the rig – it’s an entertaining ride nonetheless.

Villainess

Luna (Nadine Velazquez)

Surprisingly not the only female among the terrorists – though the only woman to see any real action – Luna fancies herself as a tough girl. She soon ditches her Christmas outfit for the more usual leather top and straps on an LMG (Light Machine Gun, for those unfamiliar with weapons). Should that fail, she has a spike metal finger-blade and martial arts skills to fall back on. Yes, Luna is definitely a woman of action, not words.

Luna’s role in the first half is limitied to hunting an escaped child throw the lower reaches of the platform, sitting around and taking orders from the main bad guy, and non-action support. Her first combat comes against the hopelessly outmatched FBI agent. Things change later on, and Luna finally gets to fire her oversized weapon in a kitchen shootout scene. Disappointingly, that’s the only occasion the LMG is used and she doesn’t hit her target.

After the villains arm the EMP, there are a series of action sequences with the heroes attempting to avert disaster. Luna has repeated fights against the FBI agent, who she seems to have taken a dislike to. Luna proves to be acrobatic and slippey, though dodging automatic weapon fire is over the top. While skilled in martial arts, the henchwoman seems to survive largely due to the heroes not finishing her off when they have the chance. Eventually the FBI guy gets smart and drops a metal plate on the woman.

Video Review

Honourable Mentions

Theme: Combat Henchwomen

Crash Dive (1996) – Bolanne (Elena DeBurdo)

Another of Michael Dudikoff’s seemingly endless roles in B-movie action thrillers, Crash Dive is one of his better ones and takes place mostly on a submarine hijacked by terrorists posing as shipwrecked sailors. The lone female among the villains is Bolanne, and it doesn’t take long after boarding for her to strip naked and seduce a crew member. As one might expect, it doesn’t end well for him.

Bolanne’s scenes are generally decent, but nothing fantastic. Her best moments come when she throws a knife to free her captive leader, takes out a man who’s been helping the Dudikoff character, and the final fight with the hero. It’s a longer affair than usual (about a minute or so), and the good guy has to work for his victory.

Triple Threat (2019) – Mook (JeeJa Yanin)

This aptly named henchwoman is a member of a mercenary group hired to eliminate a bothersome woman who’s made the mistake of campaigning against crime. While the paymistress – a mysterious businesswoman who spends most of her scenes giving kill orders over mobile phones – doesn’t have enough character to be interesting as a villainess, Mook is a memorable inclusion, despite being seen off before the halfway point.

The film features several high profile action stars – notably Tony Jaa, Scott Adkins and Michael Jai White – so it’s no surprise there’s plenty of action to be found here. This often involves high body counts and explosions galore. Most of the latter come from Mook, who’s trigger happy with her MGL and over-zealous in her approach. She’s the team’s specialist for clearing obstructions or AoE damage (that’s Area of Effect, for readers not familiar with the videogame term).

Mook gets three high-carnage action scenes: all-out assaults on a jungle compound, TV studio, and police station. For the latter she finally meets her match and loses a hand to hand fight with one of the heroes. Then he gives Mook a taste of her own medicine, blowing her to smithereens with the grenade launcher.

Movie Villainess 101 Rank #77

This copycat killer sees herself as the Black Queen

Movie

Final Move (2006)

One of many chess-themed serial killer movies, Final Move adds a paranormal element with psychic Dan Marlowe (Matt Schulze) assisting Detective Krieg (Lochlyn Munro) with his investigation. It seems someone is copying the recently executed “Chess Piece Killer” Thomas Page, or that he was never responsible for the original crimes. Cue lots of murders as Marlowe and Krieg go on a psycho hunt and – yes – the map of the city is used as a chessboard. Why does that always happen?

Final Move has an annoying colour palette, tinted deep orange in a lot of scenes for some reason. While the opening murder is well staged, the other killings are over all too briefly with some only shown in Marlowe’s psychic visions (which are green filtered and filmed on shaky cam). Another problem is the villainess is too easy to spot. There is an attempt to fool the viewer into thinking an African American chess player is responsible, but the killer is clearly white.

On the plus side, there are plenty of murders and the film moves along at a brisk pace. The subplot with Marlowe and his wife’s strained relationship is reasonably well done, though it’s a little obvious his family will be targeted by the killer before the end.

Villainess

Iris Quarrie (Rachel Hunter)

An FBI agent helping with the investigation (or rather, pretending to), Iris is a rare case of a female serial killer with a high body count. She murders people by various means, whether it’s tasering a woman after taunting her over the phone, hanging a man in an elevator, or tossing a hapless judge through a high floor window.

The opening murder – with a woman telephoned at home by the killer Scream style – is the most impressive. After making a few nasty (voice distorted) taunts, the masked psycho attacks her victim, roughs her up, and electrocutes her as she writhes in agony. When the police discover the dead body, there’s a chess piece in her hand, signalling the start of Iris’ killing spree.

The killer likes to leave messages for Marlowe and phone him, and even breaks into his house. This is another clue there’s a personal connection between the two, and despite the police arresting a number of suspects, viewers will be suspicious of Iris after she attempts to seduce Marlowe. Iris’ response to his rejection is to bed another man, have passionate sex, and call him ‘Danny’. She may as well hang the guilty sign around her neck right there.

Krieg grows suspicious of Iris when she’s placed at the scene of the latest killing, but Marlowe is reluctant to accuse her. Iris attempts to throw the police off her scent by claiming another suspect assaulted her. Since this is not shown on screen, it’s no surprise the attack turns out to have been staged, and when Krieg and Marlowe find the suspect dead they should really pin Iris as the killer.

The climax takes place at a warehouse where the masked killer shoots Krieg and confronts Marlowe in a room where his kidnapped wife and daughter have been strapped to explosives. When Iris reveals herself as the copycat chess killer, it’s no real surprise. There’s a fairly average confrontation between her and Marlowe where she taunts him only to get shot. Marlowe’s choice of post-mortem line is oh so predictable: Checkmate.

Movie Review

Honourable Mention

Theme: Masked Assailants / Zip Lines

The Last Stand (2013) – Magnet Girl (Diane Lupo), Agent Ellen Richards (Genesis Rodriguez)

Two relatively underused villainesses in this (kinda) comeback action thriller for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Here he plays a sheriff who has to (no surprise) make a last stand when an escaped crime lord and his private army roll into town. Cue lots of shooting, explosions, fistfights and general mayhem.

The black-clad Magnet Girl – who remains masked throughout her scenes – is the point woman for the crime lord’s dramatic breakout. She presumably gets her name from the part where she descends on an electromagnet and airlifts a prisoner transport van. She matches the police for firepower, riddling one officer with assault rifle bullets and keeping the rest at bay as the captured van ascends. Sadly this is her only action sequence, and she disappears with no explanation shortly afterward.

Agent Ellen Richards is a weak addition: an FBI agent on the crime boss’ payroll. She’s revealed as a turncoat early on, but doesn’t do much except be the main villain’s passenger for his ride to the border. Ultimately he gets fed up of the woman and kicks her out of his car. She then disappears, only to return at the end and be arrested.

Movie Villainess 101 Rank #78

Docile and controllable? Someone needs to tell these scientists the female is deadlier

Movie

Species (1995)

A high budget B-movie would be the best way to describe this mid 1990s sci-fi thriller. While the opening title credits are like something from a cheap Syfy channel flick, the creature designs by H.R. Giger (better known for his work on the Alien movies) help elevate this film to above average territory.

The plot revolves around a manhunt for an escaped alien/human hybrid. Scientists thought engineering her to be female would make their experiment “more docile and controllable”. Someone should have told them females are not known as the deadlier sex for nothing, and perhaps watching a few movies with villainesses beforehand would have been good preparation.

After things predicatably go wrong and the hybrid escapes, project lead Xavier Finch (Ben Kingsley) hires a team of specialists to track her down. This consists of a psychic empath (Forest Whitaker), a biologist (Marg Helgenberger), an expert in social studies (Alfred Molina) and – naturally – a covert ops military guy (Michael Madsen).

Manhunt is perhaps appropriate to describe Sil’s agenda, because when the escaped child transforms into an adult (through metamorphasis) she goes on the hunt for a male to mate with. And given that just one hybrid leaves a trail of dead bodies and destruction through Los Angeles, that’s something the heroes definitely want to prevent.

Villainess

Sil (Natasha Henstridge)

Species was Henstridge’s first film role, and it’s no coincidence the actress is young, attractive and appears in a lot of scenes topless. For early sequences in the research lab and the initial manhunt, Sil is a child played by Michelle Williams. Even in this form the alien hybrid is dangerous, capable of high speed and killing a much larger man. Pretty soon after her escape, Sil transforms into an adult and that’s when her real mission begins.

Los Angeles is the hunting ground and – as the social culture specialist is quick to point out – an ideal place for Sil to blend in. She’s very particular about who to mate with, leading to a violent rejection when she senses her first choice is diabetic. The hybrid has better luck with the second man – a bystander who assists her after a car accident – and lures him into a hot tub. Unfortunately for her – and her companion who’s promptly drowned – the tracker team traces her to the house.

Sil has the ability to change between human and alien forms, seemingly at will. This leads to some decent creature effects as the hunted woman becomes a predator. The best portion of the movie is arguably when Sil goes on the offensive and watches the humans pursuing her. Deciding the military man would be a suitable mate, she fakes her own death. The humans are a little too quick to believe their quarry dead, especially since Sil has proven to be elusive and dangerous to that point.

After changing her appearance, Sil’s manhunt continues at the team’s hotel. She proves to be adept at infilitration, even conversing with the biologist in a restroom. That same woman has become romantically involved with Madsen’s character and Sil decides to go after the social culture specialist. Her third attempt at getting pregant proves successful and after eliminating her mate she escapes underground with the trackers in close pursuit.

The end sequence is not so impressive as what came before because Sil is in pure creature form, which doesn’t quite carry the threat the disguised woman did earlier. Finch – being unlikeable – is unsurprisingly seen off by the hybrid, and there’s a rather brief sequence where Sil gives birth and her offspring is burned alive. Sil herself proves tougher to kill, but the confrontation is not that exciting with the two surviving non-military members reduced to helpless supporting roles.

Species spawned a number of sequels that were not very highly regarded (the original has gotten reasonable appreciation since release). Henstridge signed up for a trilogy, but only made a brief appearance in the third film.

Video Review

Honourable Mention

Theme: Aliens

Aliens (1986) – Alien Queen

Okay, so it’s debatable whether the alien queen – being a creature – is really a villainess. In the end I decided to limit my ranked list to human females, with the occasional entry for androids, cyborgs and hybrids. And so Species made the final cut, but I do believe this iconic antagonist – and epic confrontation with one-woman army Ellen Ripley – deserves an honourable mention.

The standout moment is the iconic battle between Ripley and the Queen which goes on for several minutes. Like a videogame final boss, the creature is a bullet sponge, shrugging off entire magazines of ammo that would shred a minion in seconds. Explosive rounds merely cause the Queen to abandon her lower body and chase the heroine to a spacecraft to continue the fight.

Even looking back on this film 35 years later, the creature effects stand up to modern viewing, largely because no CGI was used (which can date very quickly by comparison to the models/makeup used here). Ripley in a mechanical walker vs. the Queen for round two is no less exciting than what came before, and while the creature is predictably jettisoned through an airlock, the death scene with the defeated monster floating through space is very satisfying.

Movie Villainess 101 Rank #79

She’ll certainly kill to get it

Movie

Killer Dream Home (2020)

Modern Lifetime movies – or independent productions aimed at that network / audience – frequently have female villains, but unfortunately it’s very much a case of quantity over quality. Motives tend to be unimaginative (seriously, how many jilted lovers are there in America?), the body count is minimal (three was considered low back in the 1990s, but would be a vertiable bloodbath today), and climaxes are frequently weak or non-existent.

Thankfully, some producers do understand what’s required / expected in these films and actually put some effort into delivering entertainment value. Time to champion The Ninth House, a partnership between writer/director Jake Helgren and producer Autumn Federici. Many of their movie titles are typical for the genre: Deadly Matrimony, Psycho Party Planner, Psycho Sister-in-law, Psycho Stripper… Yes, death and psychos abound in these films. What makes their efforts stand out are the unpredictability factor and exciting finales, truly a lost art for Lifetime flicks in the 2020s.

Jake Helgren has a horror background and it does come through in the final product. Expect many darkly lit scenes, creepy supporting characters / red herrings, and more than one person to be stalked and bumped off before the end credits.

Sourcing these movies in the UK is difficult. There’s no Lifetime equivalent network, so these films often turn up on the free-to-air Channel 5 for afternoon showings. This leads to censorship for violence, which is a big problem with Ninth House productions as the murder sequences are genuinely the best parts and better shot than most TV movies.

Killer Dream Home isn’t officially available in the UK (at the time of review), but I was able to source enough footage / images (thanks to anonymous sources). Also from what I’ve seen, it’s quite typical of Ninth House productions and a good one to include.

Villainess

Morgan Dyer (Eve Mauro)

Ninth House do like to mix up their casting and include actors that aren’t necessarily best known for Lifetime movies. Eve Mauro is a fashion model and not an overly familiar face, which helps to keep things fresh even if her psycho is somewhat generic and suitably over the top.

Morgan really wants the titular dream home: a lavish mansion that comes with exquisitely decorated rooms, swimming pool and even an elevator. And she’s quite prepared to kill to get it, as evidenced when she breaks in and drowns the owner during the opening sequence. For this deadly intrusion, Morgan opts to wear a red raincoat instead of the black hooded guise favoured by far too many Lifetime psychos. Points for originality straight from the outset.

When the property comes onto the market, it’s purchased by Josh and Jules Grant (John Deluca and Maiara Walsh) with assistance of realtor Renee Rivera. Unfortunately the happy couple make the mistake of hiring a certain Morgan Dyer as the interior designer, and it soon becomes obvious she’s totally psycho. As is often the case, the main characters are a little slow on the uptake and it’s left to the supporting players to do the snooping. Best friend Bliss (Brooke Butler) is suspicious from the start, leading to many confrontations with Morgan and a growing hatred between the two women. Which you know is probably going to end badly for Bliss, but it’s a while before we get there.

Morgan is physically attractive – even getting a swimsuit scene – and not afraid to use that to her advantage. She seduces her landlord, who thinks he’s onto a winner until he wakes up to discover pictures of himself plastered over the fridge and a letter threatening blackmail unless he forgoes Morgan’s rent payment. Murder is always an option for more challenging obstacles, and Renee gets to be the obligatory mid-movie victim that keeps the pace ticking along.

Like any decent Lifetime villainess, Morgan gets some ‘crazy chick’ lines. The best is when she calls Bliss a lapdog or theatens to ‘bury the moles’. This being a Ninth House film, all this is preamble to the finale where Morgan shows up ponytailed and dressed in black like some action movie henchwoman. In case Jules and Josh haven’t figured out she’s insane by now, Morgan delivers an utterly barmy frame up plot monologue served with extra ham and cheese.

Ninth House tend to keep viewers guessing who’ll survive until the end, and overall they do a good job here with one supporting character appearing to die before returning very much alive. Being the best friend tends to be fatal, so it’s no real suprise Bliss meets a sticky end in the elevator, though Morgan’s choice of weapon (a tape measure as a makeshit garotte) is fairly unique.

I like the trend of Ninth House villains getting killed off. Far too many Lifetime baddies are arrested or escape justice altogether, another annoying modern quirk. Here Morgan is seen off with her own nailgun. Appropriate certainly, though it would have been nice to add in a stunt double and balcony fall ala Deadly Martimony to cap things off.

Video Review

Honourable Mention

Theme: Ninth House Productions

Babysitter’s Nightmare (2018) – Audra Monrose (Arianne Zucker)

Another Ninth House production, this is arguably a horror movie in disguise. It’s available on streaming in the UK but (to my knowledge) has never aired on free-to-air TV, probably because some scenes would need to be heavily edited for content. The opening – where a babysitter is suffocated by a masked killer – is quite brutal and graphic by TV movie standards, though low-key if compared to the horror genre.

Babysitter’s Nightmare (also known as A Stranger Outside) is a typical woman alone in the house scenario, with the main character being a nurse who lost her job due to a death she wasn’t responsible for. Technically she’s not alone – there’s a child with her and also her best friend for company (and getting seen off to up the ante late on). As expected with Ninth House productions, there’s a relatively high body count and a bizarre killer guise. The murderer in this one likes to cosplay as Darth Sidious from Star Wars, wearing a black robe with a face-shadowing hood.

Another solid entry, the villainess turns out to be a vengeful woman who’s own child died and is now taking it out on everyone who’s wronged her (plus anyone else in her way). As always with Ninth House, there’s an actual ending to look forward to – a prolonged 20-30 minute sequence – and the killer gets finished off by the heroine after a struggle. No lame arrest or non-resolution here. Lifetime filmmakers please take note – this is how to shoot a climax.

Movie Villainess 101 Rank #80

A daring $40 million heist – and that’s not even the big one

Movie

Entrapment (1999)

One of many pre-2000 films to use the ‘Millennium Bug’ as a plot device, this slick heist thriller is elevated by strong performances from the two leads. Entrapment is arguably notable for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it’s one of Sean Connery’s last film roles (his only major features after this were Finding Forrester and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). Then there’s that bendy laser-dodging sequence from Catherine Zeta-Jones. It’s probably no coincidence the title graphics and movie poster use lasers.

Oddly, this infamous set piece – centring around the theft of a gold mask that will be used as a payoff for an even bigger score – comes at the film’s mid-point rather than the climax. There’s an inevitable action packed heist towards the end, set in Kuala Lampur on New Year’s Eve when the thieves plan to steal a whopping $8 billion from a banking computer in the iconic Petronas Towers. Getting into the (not so) secure vault proves relatively easy, but the escape is appropriately dramatic and makes excellent use of the Towers skybridge.

In case younger readers are wondering what the Millennium bug was, it was a potential flaw with computers before the turn of the century where date years were stored as two digits (34, 95 etc.). Obviously this would have caused an issue come 2000 with computers interpreting 00 as 1900. Ultimately this was resolved without any major consequences, so the pre-millennium hype (panic?) seems an overreaction in hindsight.

The plot device in Entrapment is one of the more clever usages which has aged fairly well, revolving around computer integrity tests of banking systems – a very plausible occurrence that almost certainly took place in real life (although probably not at the very last second).

Villainess Protagonist

Gin (Catherine Zeta-Jones)

The female lead Virginia Baker (Gin for short) is an investigator for an insurance firm in New York, pursuing aging professional thief Robert “Mac” MacDougal (Connery). Mac is suspected for the theft of a Rembrandt from an office skyscraper – another hi-tech heist involving a remote controlled winch – and Gin is determined to get her man.

The Thomas Crown Affair remisicent setup is soon inverted when Gin reveals she is the Rembrandt thief and needs Mac’s help for a job. He’s initially not too impressed, which might have something to do with Gin’s overconfidence (she has a habit of declaring things perfect being messing up). Gin wastes no time using her feminine charms on the much older Mac, especially during a training montage scene where she sexily bends between ropes substituting for lasers.

One of the main criticisms of the film was the “implausbile” romantic relationship between Mac and Gin, but I’m inclined to disagree. It’s clearly as much about him respecting her ability (seeing something of a younger self in her) and a desire to return to daring heists and the initial professional / deceptive flirting develops into genuine attraction over the course of the movie. Gin boasts there’s never been a man immune to her charms, and so it ultimately proves.

After Gin dodges lasers for real and steals the golden mask from Bedford Palace, things get tense between her and Mac when he accuses her of setting him up. It’s then she lets him on the big heist she’s got planned in Malaysia. The suspense builds up well, with various side characters playing their mysterious parts (notably Gin’s boss and a shadowy acquaintance of Mac’s).

The grand finale heist is quite disappointing at first, with the thieves cracking a high security vault that requires far less effort than stealing the mask (or arguably even the Rembrandt). Naturally things go wrong (predictably after Gin utters the word “perfect”) and a dramatic escape follows with Gin and Mac swinging from lights under the skybridge and running through rooms filled with tear gas.

Eventually, Gin and Mac separate and promise to meet at a train station. It’s then the old man reveals he’s been playing her all along, though he has a change of heart and helps her escape. After they outwit the authorities, the two lovers embrace in a suprisingly moving moment.

Video Review

Honourable Mentions

Theme: Cat Burglars

While considering which movie to rank for this burglar themed entry, there were other potential choices, though all less impressive on reflection.

B.L. Stryker: Grand Theft Hotel (1990) – Dawn St. Claire (Loni Anderson)

This is techically an episode of the B.L. Stryker TV series which starred Burt Reynolds in the title role, but since the installments ran at roughly 90 minutes and aired as TV movies in the UK, I’m including this example here. In this one, he’s after a cat burglar with a penchant for stun guns and dramatic helicopter escapes.

No surprise that the thief turns out to be a woman (don’t they always?), but her masked outfit for credits heist sequence is quite impressive. Given Loni Anderson’s role as beautiful socialite Dawn St. Claire seems superfluous otherwise, most viewers should identify her as the thief (and so does Stryker). First her character gets demoted to the sidelines while BL chases a male copycat who graduates from thievery to murder.

Disappointingly, we don’t get an unmasking – or even another scene with Dawn in the masked outfit (it’s the copycat for the scenes that follow). The final heist takes forever to happen and then she shows up unmasked during the day.

Return of the Pink Panther (1975) – Lady Claudine Litton (Catherine Schell)

Also the return of Peter Sellers to his Inspector Clouseau role after a long break (his previous movie was A Shot in the Dark back in 1964). The titlular jewel also returns, and we get a dramatic heist after the cartoony credits where a black-clad thief makes inventive use of a crossbow and lubricant to outsmart the guards and security.

The prime suspect is Charles Litton aka The Phantom, with Christopher Plummer taking on the David Niven role from The Pink Panther (1963). Most scenes are played for laughs (this is a comedy, after all) and there are many sub-plots with Clouseau’s boss Dreyfus descening even further into homicidal mania and Charles attempting to figure out who’s setting him up.

It turns out to be Charles’ wife Claudine who stole the diamond (though it appears a male stunt double was used for some sequences). Sadly Claudine is almost relegated to sub-villain status by the end. She’s already had several encounters with Clouseau – and barely contained her laughter at the detective’s ineptitude – but her role isn’t especially memorable.

The Real McCoy (1993) – Karen McCoy (Kim Basinger)

Yet another example where the thief is masked at the beginning and never again. That’s four examples on this page alone (yes, it happens in Entrapment too with the Rembrandt theft). Some advice for filmmakers: cat burglars are supposed to wear masks when on the job.

The Real McCoy is another example of a villainess protagonist, though the thief Karen is arguably an anti-heroine as she’s coerced into planning a heist by a crime boss. When threatening Karen doesn’t work, the bad guy takes her son hostage as leverage. Eventually Karen teams up with an inept thief (played by Val Kilmer) to turn the tables.

Basinger plays the mother/criminal mix well and Karen gets quite a bit of heisting action before the big finale rolls around, making an attempt to locate and rescue her son (which we know will be unsuccessful). Said finale is a disappointment, though. Nothing goes wrong during the bank vault heist – original, but hardly exciting stuff – and Karen outsmarts the villains too easily.